Being rich is one thing but flaunting it is another. We think being rich = looking rich but that’s so far from the truth. And if we came from a poor home we’ll want to show others we’ve made it. Like “hey, look at me now! I’m rich!” But flaunting your wealth is not only the fastest way to lose it it’s also the fastest path to unhappiness + emptiness. 

There are huge downsides to being publicly rich. Your new “friends” are only there for one thing (we can all guess what that is) while your old friends might suddenly start to see you in a different light. And you can’t change how they see you. Once people go from being non-rich to being openly affluent + super-comfortable eyeballs start rolling and they start seeing green.

We all love seeing other people work towards the rich-life but when they reach it (and we don’t) we can feel real envious like we’re stuck in the past. People in your life start expecting you to foot the bills at restaurants, invite you to their fancy parties and give gorgeous gifts for your b-day though ironically the people with the least-money tend to give the biggest gifts (but that’s a topic for another time).

Social debt can burden the loud-rich

Then there’s the deep social debt it comes with. If you came from a poor home and you make it big, you’ll feel obliged to give money to your parent (along with a ton of others) who helped you along the way (as well as ones who didn’t) and suddenly you find yourself having to dish out dollar after dollar. So that money doesn’t really belong to you does it? 

My mums friend & her husband are worth ~$100mn and he supports a handful of families, from paying their rent (and in some cases buying them a place to live) and school fees.

And sure, you might be thinking hey they’re minted why not dish some out? It’s the least they can do. Sure. Easy for you to say. But that money (if not carefully invested + looked after) can vanish almost as quickly as it came. (Psst: it’s 99% impossible to fake this source of wealth – and why you should never want to).

But I think the jealousy is the real nasty one. People don’t like to see others (especially people they grew up with) out-grow them when it comes to money. Kids feel inferior. They like being the same as their peers. But that’s obviously not possible once you get into the real world. And it can create real divides.

Then you find yourself having to upgrade your friendship circle since your older (poorer) friends can’t afford to do the things you do now from fancy restaurants to even fancier vacays. Life is different.

Private wealth is the new form of super-wealth 

When I was a kid we had these neighbours who on the outside looked the most normal, plain couple aka not at all rich. Years later, I discovered one of them was a ftse 100 CEO during his peak earning years and went on to become of the most successful and influential VCs! And he did all this from his humble (and small) house across the road from ours.

I was always so curious why he chose to live in this run-of-the-mill street when he could have afforded a place at London’s most exclusive postcodes. I wondered what made him pick this area. His answer? He felt safe there and he knew no one was judging him based on the size of his (very-much-non-existent) sprawling mansion.

He felt comfortable to travel for weeks on end and not have to worry about his place. He wasn’t attached to the obviously external things money could buy. Trust me, he had all the finer things in life (the real “extras”) from a chauffeur to dining at the Ritz every single Sunday for brunch without fail and travelling on yachts and jets several times a year.

He loved spending money. -don’t get me wrong. But he spent on things that weren’t visible from the outside. His friends remained real, and loyal. Strangers weren’t after him for his money. It’s a much happier existence. 

And he used a big chunk of his money to donate to his alma mater and to invest for his nieces/nephews and their kids. But showing off for others? Or making a loud noise with his money? That was very far from his style. And I realised he was right all along.

More money = more freedom (+ more privacy)

Money should make you (and those closest to you) happy. It should give you freedom – total autonomy over how you spend your time. And sure, to allow you to enjoy those delicious extras from first-class travel to luxurious hotels and all the rest of it.

But the second you’re spending money to show you have it that’s when it loses its meaning to you and actually takes you further away from the goal you’re after.  

My dad always said he just needs one pillow and one bed to sleep on at night. So who really cares if he lives in am 8-bed or a 2-bed. For him, there really is no difference. 

When you start being loud about your money (that even your neighbour across town can hear it) then you get into a dangerous spot that isn’t always visible initially. You slowly but surely upgrade your lifestyle. Because you can.

You may need to work harder to keep up with your bigger wheel (but you’re still that hamster). Then you befriend wealthier and wealthier people and you’re having to do more and more. Gucci bags and Jimmy Choo shoes are standard practice among these circles!

So what once felt special, a real treat, has now become bog standard. And I’ve seen it first-hand. First you buy $200 shoes then $400 shoes then $1,000 until you realise there are stores where $2,400 is the going rate. (This is why designer brands will never stop making money since they sell the one thing we’re all willing to pay top-dollar for).

You gotta spend more money to bring you that same level of joy. And often it comes with a more hidden price tag. The fact that you’re constantly comparing yourself (and your spending) with those around you.

Sure $100mn sounds like a great deal but when your friends have $150mn you feel poorer. It all becomes relative. But if you build your wealth in private and no one really knows how much you’re worth (which should be standard practice!) then you’ll enjoy a much more carefree existence. You can do what makes you happy not what looks good to others.

The people I’ve met who are richer than anyone I’ve come across have one thing in common: they’re quiet about it. They’re not easily-spotted among a crowd wearing the bling bling. They’re much more understated. And they don’t always live in the biggest house. So you can’t spot them so easily. And that’s just the way they like it.

Contentment is everlasting (happiness can be fleeting)

Happiness is different to contentment. They are not one and the same. Happiness is a fleeting experience. It’s not something that stays with us 24/7. Because happiness can only be experienced (and measured) by the opposite force: feeling unhappy, unfulfilled and generally a bit meh. Contentment is far more permanent. It is a state of being rather than a destination.

Being content comes from simply being satisfied with what you already have. It’s enjoying the food on your plate without thinking of all the other many dishes you could have had instead. It’s enjoying your car (and clocking those miles!) without thinking about the faster, flashier one that you could get. This is the happiest place on earth and it has less to do with money than you think.

It’s about being satiated. Not having those intense cravings. For money, looks, brains, whatever it is you think you lack. You already have what you need. Look inside to find that feeling. And don’t look outside. You’ll just be disappointed.

Spend time building strong relationships with people who respect + admire you. That really is the biggest form of wealth. And health! Look after your body and your body will look after you. Life is so much simpler than we make it out to be. And money has a habit of confusing things if you aren’t careful.

So focus on what’s important and always stay true to yourself. And when you do make your tens of millions, keep schtum. Your neighbour really doesn’t need to know about it.

Disclaimer: This blog is not investment or financial advice. It is my opinion only. This blog is not a personal recommendation to buy/sell any security, or to adopt any such investment strategy. Always do your own research before you commit to any investment.